Buzzzzzzzzz

You know those times when you can't help but laugh? When you're standing there, trying SO very hard to hold it in that you start snorting? This is one of those times.....
We got called out to an elderly female having chest pain. Okay, no big deal.... the firefighters on scene tell us that the pt has a history of anxiety and has been treated for it earlier today at her doctor's office.
When we get on scene (picture a very well-to-do neighborhood), this nice little old lady (LOL) is sitting in her living room, very calm and complaining of generalized chest pain, arm pain, neck pain, leg pain, and head pain x3 months. Okey dokey.
After we've loaded her up in the box and are transporting her to the hospital (it's about a 25-30 minute trip from there depending on the traffic), I start asking her some more questions about her pain.

DP: Have any medications helped your pain?

LOL: No

DP: Has anything else relieved your pain?

LOL: Well, yes. Actually my vibrator helps it feel a lot better.

DP: o-O ummmm really?

LOL: Oh yes, it's just wonderful and it vibrates so good! It helps work out a lot of my tension.

*thinking to myself* Surely she must have mispoken. I'm all for being in touch with your sexuality but this was just plain awkward now.

Of course... since it's awkward, I start to get the giggles.

DP: So could you describe it to me?

LOL: Describe what?

DP: The thing that you said helps you. (I was trying to not embaress her at this point.)

LOL: Oh my vibrator! Well it's about this long (holds hands up about 10" apart) and about this big around (about the size of a 1L bottle of soda). It vibrates really good and you can adjust the speed. Oh! There's heat from it too. That works the best.

DP: Heat? You have a heated vibrator? (at this point, I'm sure she's pulling my leg)

LOL: Oh yes, it's wonderful. My daughter gave it to me for Christmas.

I finally got an idea of what she was trying to say.

DP: Is it also called a back massager?

LOL: Oh yes! That's it... a vibrator or massager thing.

I was trying so hard to not laugh, I started snorting and just couldn't help myself. I swear I would have pissed my pants if I hadn't started laughing. I felt so bad for this poor lady. Here I am, laughing my ass off and she has no clue why. Her transport was uneventful and she did just fine.

Of course, the best part..... telling the receiving RN at the facility what makes her pain better.