Waffles mmmmm

So, we of course, have quite a few frequent fliers. You know the address by heart while you curse in the back of your mind (or on your way to the truck). Some of them have true medical problems and aren't very well medicated, so they call pretty often but are happy to have you there to help them. Others just flat out abuse the system. Oh, they have medical problems alright, but would rather spend their welfare and social security checks on drugs than on their actual prescribed medications.
We have one patient, she is in her early 60's that call AT LEAST 3 times a week. Of course, with the way our schedule is, more often than not, one of us ends up running her at least twice in a week (more if you work overtime). The issue? COPD and CHF. Nothing like trying to figure out which one it is when you have some nice COPD and CHF symptoms occuring simultaneously. She will now be know as SALL (Smokes A Lot Lady) due to her 2 pack/day habit. The bigger problem of course, is the fact that she will smoke some pot or crack (depends on the time of day), will flip out because she is now having trouble breathing. DUH!

Now, often times, she will go ahead a start a neb while calling us. Many times we get there and she says she is fine now, she was "freakin' though cause dis thang won't work" indicating her nebulizer (that is clearly working correctly). Pretty much, she will turn it on after filling the chamber correctly and will pull and pull on it trying to get the medication to aerosolize faster (which of course, isn't how it works). This is normally what happens.

SALL: I's jus' sittin' here and couldn't breathe so I put this thing in here but it wasn't workin' good and fast so I's call you.

DP: How are you feeling now SALL?

SALL: Fine. You's can go now.

DP: You realize you just called us out at 3am right? You called and so they sent an ambulance AND a firetruck out here because you said you couldn't breathe and your medicine wasn't helping.

SALL: Um yeah.

DP: It's not as simple as us just leaving now. You can't just do that and act like we were just hanging out in the neighborhood and decided to drop by. Were you smokin' crack tonight? (smell was in the air)

SALL: Um no. I was um cookin'. Waffles. Yeah. I was cookin' waffles.

DP: Really? You were cooking waffles, huh?

SALL: Yeah... nawwwww. *deep smoker laugh* I was smokin' some crack. How'd ya know?

DP: The smell. You need to sign a refusal saying you don't want to go to the hospital if you're not going with us now.

SALL: What? Last time I did that I got a thing from you's billin' people sayin' I owe 'em money and my insurance won't pay fer y'all.

DP: What insurance? You're on medicaid and medicare.

SALL: Yeah, that's what I'm sayin... my insurance.

DP: *facepalm* That's not actually insurance and it is billed differently. Since you chose to not go to the hospital before, then it was you saying that you decided to call 911 and then changed your mind and so therefore it was not an emergency when you called. Medicaid and Medicare will only pay for it if you actually go to the hospital.

SALL: Oh. You's gonna bill me this time since I'm not goin'?

DP: I don't know. I'm not in charge of billing.

SALL: Oh. Can I make you some waffles so I don't get a bill?

DP: NO. (never mind the fact that I definitely do not want anything from your kitchen! UGH!)

SALL: Okay, gimme that thing and let me sign it so I can get back to my waffles *winks at me*

DP: Alright, here. Just give your neb some time to work after you "cook waffles" next time (actually did quotes in the air).

Sadly enough, my partner and I ended up going to Denny's since we were now hungry for breakfast food. I just do NOT understand some people and how it doesn't seem to matter to them to just blatantly abuse the system.